Ever Passing Miracle
by RockTheWorld
Summary: NEW CHAPTER! Finally.....please R&R! If you do, I'll give you a cookie! What happens in that summer before Jamies death? No one knows, but Landond does call it the happiest one of his life....but why? Read it and find out.
1. Default Chapter

I, like always, I have no attachment to or ownership over anyone or any thing having to do with A Walk To Remember, Shane West, Mandy Moore, or anyone else. I also take no credit for any other movie titles, song titles, or song lyrics. As those arrise, I will give those who deserve credit that credit. Well, read and enjoy! 


	2. Ever Passing Moment

I stood in the middle of the funeral parlor. The white one. I would go with the white one. It was so simple, so beautiful, so like Jamie. Jamie. She was gone. Forever. Why did she have to go? What kind of messed up God, if there was a God to begin with, would take such an angel from this world? I tried to push those thoughts away. Jamie had always told me that faith was all it took and that God did everything for a reason. But what reason could He have for this? I browsed the rest of the caskets before finally coming to rest on the white one. It was beautifully carved out of cedar painted white. It was carved with roses, baby's breath, and daisies. Jamie's favorite flowers. Inside it was covered in beautiful silk. It was so clean and so pure. Jamie would look lovely in it. Hegbert and I had already decided that we would bury her in her wedding dress. She had looked so lovely that day, walking towards me. That day I had vowed that I would always, always try my best to provide for Jamie, make her happy. I knew that it would be hard, and that I wouldn't want to stick it out but I had to do it for Jamie. I had to be strong, had to support her. I knew that whatever I went through it would be worse for her. Aside from the vows that day, I had made a promise to God and to myself that Jamie would come first. She would be more important than my car, my friends, everything. After all, Jamie was just that- my everything. 


	3. Past comes to Life

Walking down that isle, Jamie looked exactly like the angel I knew she was. Hegbert put his hand on my shoulder; an unexpected touch from someone I always thought hated me. I knew he didn't want me marrying his daughter, but he was letting me because I made his daughter happy. He had never liked me. My family and I had been going to his church since we moved to Beaufort when I was seven. That's when I had first met Jamie- in the first grade. She was the only one who would sit next to me on the bus when I was the new kid. She invited me over to her house after school and we had cookies and lemonade and played house. If only I had known then how true our little game would become. And then, in the middle of third grade, I met Eric, Dean, Belinda, and the rest of them. I tossed Jamie aside and was way to busy with my new friends to come over and play with her stupid dolls or eat her stupid chocolate chip cookies, even thought they were good. That was the way it was until the middle of seventh grade. When we were in our home living class and had to be "married" for a month. That was the worst month of my life. I was teased to no end. After all, I was married to the "Virgin Mary", "Saint Jamie". After that I vowed that I would never have anything to do with Jamie ever again. It was a good plan too- until our little mishap with Clay Gephart landed me in that stupid spring play, the one that led to me and Jamie becoming, well, me and Jamie. And when the organ started up on that day, our wedding day, I was never surer of anything in my life. This was how it was supposed to be. Jamie and me. Forever. Well, not forever. For as long as God would allow me to keep her. And as she said my name, "I, Jamie Elizabeth Sullivan, take you, Landon Rollins Carter...." I prayed that my angel on Earth would continue to be that- my angel on Earth. 


	4. And Now

The reception had been beautiful. Jamie and my mom had done an absolutely fabulous job. We had an outdoor reception, at the back of the church. My mom and dad had bought this great trellis and had covered it with white roses. It was great. And Hegbert had ordered catering from that little bistro where Jamie and I had our first date. How he had known I had no idea. Jamie must have told him. She was always doing stuff like that- being totally up front and open with her father. Maybe it was her example that had gotten me to forgive my dad. But that wasn't it- not quite exactly. I knew what had made me forgive him- he had paid for Jamie's homecare. He had given me my miracle back, so that I no longer had to worship from the side of a hospital bed with so many monitors beeping and nurses coming in and out all the time. She was home with me now, where she belonged. Every time I looked at her it hit me again- I was so lucky to have her in my life. God really had intervened. To think- I could have just passed her up. I could have just kept on rehearsing with Eric and not asked Jamie for help- but I had. And she had said yes. And now, as we were driving away toward the biggest surprise yet, Jamie had that small, secretive smile on her face, and I just had to know what she was thinking.  
"What are you thinking?"  
"That I am just so lucky to have you in my life, and about how close I had come to almost loosing you, to never having met you. Did you know I almost said no the day you asked me to help you with your lines?"  
"Really? What made you say yes?"  
"I'm still not sure, I just had this feeling in my heart that something good would come out of it, and now...."  
"Yeah. And now." 


	5. Room for Dreams

Ok guys- I read your reviews, and here is the next chapter- longer, and filled with everything you wanted! ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
It wasn't long before Jamie fell in to a routine. I, on the on the other hand, took much longer to get used to having a wife. I mean, it was great and all, but it was definitely a shock. I wasn't used to the little stuff- sharing a bed, putting down the toilet seat, cooking for two, relinquishing control of the remote or the car stereo- stuff like that. I think it was about a month before I was finally able to cook a decent dinner or put down the toilet seat without Jamie having to remind me.  
  
That day, after our reception, Jamie had gotten the biggest surprise yet- and I had given it to her. The look of her rosy face and glowing smile as we pulled up in front of the house would be one that I would carry with me as long as I lived. It really was a dream that we had been able to pull it off. While my mother and Jamie had been busy with the wedding, Hegbert, my dad and I had been searching all over Beaufort for the perfect house. We had found it- but just in the nick of time. It was my dads wedding present to us. It was a small cottage, with an ocean view. In fact- it was built right on the beach. It was painted white with royal blue shutters and a rose garden in the back. There was a white picket fence and a gazebo in the back yard. It was beautiful. And, when we had pulled up in front of the house, Jamie had been so close to fainting even I was worried.  
"Landon....what is this?"  
"This is home."  
"Home? What- what do you mean home? I thought we were going to move in with your dad?"  
"Well, we were, but my dad thought we would enjoy this more."  
"Landon...oh my..."  
"What?"  
"Well, I just don't know what to say! I'm....I'm speechless!"  
  
"Jamie. You don't have to say anything! Come on- let me show you around!" It took a lot of coaxing to get Jamie out of the car- she really was shocked. But, the minute she set foot through the front gate she started to cry happy tears. She gushed compliments about everything-even though the front walked was full of holes and the outside could use a new coat of paint. To her it was Buckingham Palace. The living room had windows overlooking the ocean, and upstairs there were two rooms- one fore her and one for...well, one for dreams. When Jamie saw that room, she began to cry harder and I had to take her downstairs to get her a cup of tea. This was what I was afraid of. The previous owners of the house had decorated that room as a child's room- yellow walls and teddy bear boarders. Hegbert and I hadn't been able to clear it out before our move in date. Both he and I had been cautious- he knew as well as I did how Jamie felt about children. She loved them, and wanted one more than anything, but what with her....her....her circumstances she wasn't able too. And that was what I was afraid of- that seeing the room would push her over the childbearing edge. After all- it was only a room. Four sides of plaster and insulation- a place to hold dreams and wishes that couldn't happen, that wouldn't happen. 


	6. Reality Bites

"Landon....Landon." "Five more minutes mommy." "Oh, don't you mommy your new wife! You've got to get up and come to church with me! We promised that we'd pass out the collection plates this month, remember?" "Ugh. Do we have to Jamie?" "Well, if you don't want to......maybe I'll call up Eddy. I'm sure he wouldn't mind going to church with me......"  
  
My eyes rocketed open. I knew she was only joking, but that thought of Jamie going to church with anybody but me was enough to wake me out of the deepest sleep. Even this early she looked great. She was always beautiful. This morning she was wearing a beautiful yellow jumper sprinkled with violets. It had been a wedding gift for Belinda- surprising considering what kind of clothes Belinda usually picked out. It looked beautiful on Jamie, her hair and eyes gleaming.  
  
"Oh Jaime....can't we just lie here all day and not go anywhere?" "Oh, it would be lovely, and I would seriously consider it if I hadn't promised daddy we would help out. "Oh Jamie, I think your dad would understand that were on our honeymoon and would rather be alone than in church."  
  
Jamie gave me this look, and we both knew the Reverend Sullivan would understand no such thing, that he would much rather have us in church than at home alone together in a bed, even though we were legally married. And so, as much as I didn't want to, I pulled myself out of bed and donned my only suit- the one I had worn at the wedding. Me in my suit and Jamie in her jumper, we made quite an exemplary pair. We headed out of the house, startled by the sudden coolness, even though we were well in to June. I saw Jamie shiver.  
  
"Are you cold? Do you need a jacket? Hold on and I'll go get you a jacket." "Hold your horses Carter...until I'm sick enough to be in a hospital bed permanently, I'll get my own jacket and I'll get it when I think I need it, which ISN'T now. Okay?"  
  
I was startled at Jamie's upfront discussion about her disease. I had trouble acknowledging it in my head, or even in a passing comment. But, here she was, my dying angel, talking about it, right up front. All I could do was nod my head. The sudden bright blue sky turned to grey, as did everything around it. The sun stopped shining and everything turned black, white, or grey. It hit me hard, like being punched in the stomach by Mike Tyson. Loved or not, married or not, Jamie was going to die and there was nothing anybody could do about it. Not God, not me, not Jamie, no one. And in that exact moment I wanted more than anything in the world to be back up in that warm bed, back in dream land, where my wife was perfectly healthy with a hundred kids and a wonderful house, instead of here, in this harsh reality, with a shack on the beach with a dying wife and no hope of children. Reality bites. 


	7. Unanswerable Questions

Jamie and I volunteered every Sunday at her father's church. Jamie was fine with it. I, on the other hand, had to get used to it. I mean, I had been going to Hegbert's church since my family moved to Beaufort- that was around the time that my dad had really been in to his religious phase. But this was different. I wasn't sitting in the pews, spacing out or picking at my jeans in the back of the church. Now I was upfront, right next to the choir and paying rapt attention. I believed, finally. And I'm not talking about television-evangelists-send-me-money-and-get-your-entire-family- blessed kind of belief. I'm talking faith-is-like-the-wind belief. It finally all made sense. That whole God came to the world through Christ to love us finally made sense to me. And, as corny as it sounds, Jamie was the one who opened the door to it all. She was my Christ. She wasn't the Son of God or anything but she was the one who brought the love of God to me, just like Christ brought it to the world. But, as much as I enjoyed the word of God, it was what came after that that I looked forward to. After we sat through an hour and a half service, Jamie and I would always go out for a picnic on the beach. Always- rain or shine. If it was raining we would just sit out there in the rain and get soaked. We had been going every Sunday since we had started dating, and it just kept up as a tradition for us. But this Sunday was different. A lot different. I could tell right away that Jamie wasn't normal this Sunday. All through the Sunday service she kept getting this glazed look in her eyes- and Jamie always paid rapt attention to every word her father said. And then, when I was getting our coats, I found her sitting down, her head in her hands, gasping for breath. I knew something was up. But she still insisted on going to the beach. It was tradition, and she didn't break tradition. And so we got in my Camera and drove the half-mile to the beach, sat down, and continued to have the turkey sandwiches Jamie had packed for us. My worry began to edge away as the day continued- she was fine. That whole incident at the church had been a fluke. She had just gotten up to fast. And so we went home, not a care in the world, man and wife, the man with a car to fix, the woman with a garden to tend. Boy, how wrong was I. It happened almost as soon as we got home. Jamie slipped up the steps in to the house. She swore to me that she had just lost her footing and was glad I was there to catch her, she said jokingly, but there was something about her voice that made me regret taking her to the beach. When we got through the door, I went in to the kitchen to make her a cup of tea, telling her to go upstairs and lie down for a little while. She agreed pleasantly, and made her way up the stairs. That's when it happens. I heard a crash, then what sounded like a bowling ball fall down the stairs. I knew what it was, but I couldn't move. The teacup dropped out of my hand and shattered on the linoleum floor in to a hundred pieces. I was glued to that spot. With feet that seemed covered with cement I walked out to the landing, dreading what I knew my eyes would see. Jamie lay at the foot of the stairs, crumpled in a heap, her forehead bleeding and her leg jutting out a weird angle. Gripped in her hand was a locket her mother had given her when she was just a baby. I called the police as soon as I could get my shaky fingers to press the buttons. It took an eternity for the ambulance to get to out house, and I spent the entire time crying over Jamie's body, afraid to touch her or move her. Why does this happen to those I love? They leave. Why? My dad left me when I was thirteen. My step dad left me when I was fourteen. My grandma left me when I was seven, my grandpa a year later. My first love, Carla, left when I was ten. And now Jamie, who was already as fragile as a china doll, was leaving me too. I guess it was just one of those unanswered questions. And that was what I prayed for as I tailed the ambulance to the hospital. I prayed for the answers to all those unanswerable questions. 


	8. First for Everything

As calm as I tried to be for Jamie, it was almost impossible for me to contain myself as I sat in the waiting room, staring at the floor and trying my hardest not to spaz out and just break down. The minute I saw Hegbert talking to the doctor, I was out of my seat like a rocket, praying silently to myself.  
  
Please God. Please. If you give me my Jamie back, even for just a few more days, I will do anything and everything I can to make her happy. Please God. Please.  
  
I approached the doctor, crossing my arms and looking at him, trying my hardest to read his face, to catch a glimpse of something in his eyes. But, like a great doctor, her remained void, continuing to give us fact after fact.  
  
"Jamie's fall wasn't critical. A broken head and a few stitches, but nothing life threatening. The frightening part is what caused her to fall. Her white-blood cell counts are off the chart, and she's dehydrated."  
  
"Dehydrated", I gasped. I thought of all the times that Jamie had refused to rest, refused to have something to drink when she looked tired and thirsty. I immediately began to blame myself, promising myself that when, and if, Jamie got out, that I would do so much better, and be such a better husband.  
  
"Yes, Mr. Carter. Dehydrated. But she's resting now and we've got her hooked up to the IV so she should be fine. She can go home in a couple of days. We should all really just thank God that this fall didn't hurt Jamie, or the twins."  
  
It took me a minute to register what the doctor ad said, and when I had, my jaw dropped to the floor and my stomach hit my knees.  
"T-t-twins? As in...as in a baby?"  
  
"Yes, Mr. Carter. Two babies, in fact. I assumed that you knew. Jamie's been pregnant for almost a month now."  
  
"No. I had...I had no idea. Does Jamie know?"  
  
The doctor smiled and nodded.  
  
"She's the one that asked about the babies as soon as we were able to get her awake and talking."  
  
"Can...Can we see her now?"  
  
"Of course. But visiting hours will be over soon, and then I'm going to have to ask you to leave so that Jamie can get her rest and get back home as soon as possible."  
  
"Of course Dr. Raditch. I appreciate it. Thank you."  
  
"Of course Mr. Carter. And just a little advice, just from me to you- if she didn't tell you, I'm sure she has a reason...so just try not to get to upset before you know what that reason is, ok?"  
  
"Yeah. Sure. Thank you Doctor."  
  
And so I said my goodbyes to Hegbert and Dr. Raditch, and headed down the hall to Jamie's room. I thought it rather ironic that, yet again, Jamie was in the exact same hospital room that she was when I had visited her before the wedding. I walked slowly, trying my hardest to figure out what possible reason my wife could have about not telling me about the baby...the babies, in this case. I couldn't come up with a thing. Not a damn thing. And so I set myself up to, for the first time in my married life, have an argument with the woman I loved so much. But after all, there is a first time for everything. 


	9. Without Jamie

As beautiful as she looked it still terrified me to see Jamie lying there in that hospital bed. All of the machines, wires, and tubes scared me to this day. They always had- ever since I had gone with my dad to work one day and saw a woman die in the operating room. That's why it terrified me to the day to go to the hospital.  
  
She was sleeping and I didn't want to wake her. She looked so calm, so peaceful, so angelic lying in that bed. Her hair was fanned out around her, and her father had obviously folded her jumper and placed it on the chair next to her bed. And, the thing that surprised me the most was seeing the small pillow that my mother had made grasped in Jamie's left hand.  
  
My mother had never been very good at crafty things, so for our wedding she decided to learn as the ultimate gift to us. She had learned so sew and helped Jamie with her dress, and had made Jamie and me a set of pillows for our new bedroom. Jamie has one favorite pillow, a small one that was embroidered with roses and babies breath. It was a white and on it, stitched in blue thread, was: "Number 42- Befriend someone I don't like". Every time Jamie looked at it she laughed. She said it reminded her of our first real meeting, our first real interaction after all those years of silence between us. I liked it too. I thought it was a touching gift from my mom, considering everything that had happened between me and her in the past.  
  
I decided not to wake Jamie. After all, the doctor had said that she needed her rest and I knew that if I woke her up and asked her why she hadn't told me about the twins, the only thing that would come of it was a lot of yelling and probably tears. So I went back through the waiting room, back out in to the chilly May evening, and got in my car and drove back to the house.  
  
The house was so alone and so empty that it hit me like a feeling in my gut. I walked through the cold empty house and tried my best to carry on like nothing happened. I went in to the kitchen and had a quick dinner consisting of coffee and toast and then went up stairs and went to bed. I didn't even bother to change out of the suit that I had been in all day. And, for the few seconds I was still awake, I felt so alone and so empty that I was afraid that the house, that the lonely feeling inside me was too much to handle. In the back of my mind I finally began to realize the truth: that one day, this is what it was going to be like: me, alone, without Jamie. 


	10. My Angel or My Miracles

The next day I was back at the hospital when Jamie woke up. Seeing her there, still as beautiful as ever, and knowing that she was carrying my two wonderful children, I was filled with torn feelings. On one hand I was furious at Jamie for not listening to me, for not telling me about the twins, for not taking better care of herself and for letting this happen. On the other hand I was furious at myself for not taking better care of her, for not forcing her to listen, for not being a better, more loving husband. But, for a while at least, I had to put all of that behind me and talk to the woman I loved more than anything.  
  
"Hey baby."  
"Mmm...hey. Did you sleep here all night?"  
"No, I went home for a few hours. You don't mind do you?"  
"Of course not. I'm glad you got some rest too. Well, the doctors tell em that I should be bale to go home soon- tomorrow if I want to."  
"Jamie, I think you should stay here for a few more days, maybe even a week- make sure you're ok and make sure that you've had enough rest and everything."  
"Carter! We've had this conversation a million times! I'm not going to spend all of my remaining time here on earth stuck in a hospital bed, surrounded by machines and doctors and diagnoses. I won't do it- I'm going home!"  
"NO YOU'RE NOT!"  
  
I watched my wife, the woman I loved, my angel, flinch at my yells, and it just about broke my heart. But I had let her go home early before, let her brush me off before, and here she was- in the hospital again.  
  
"I just- I'm sorry Jamie. I didn't mean to yell. Its just that you need to rest! Really rest. The kind of rest you can't get at home- I mean, in between your dad and church and the twins and you thinking you have to be an ideal housewife its putting too much strain on you and its taking you away from me even faster than you have to be taken away from me."  
"Carter, I'm fine. I mean, church and my dad and the house and the twin- wait. Did you just say 'twins'?"  
"Yeah."  
"How-How did you know? I mean, how did you find out? I mean-"  
"You mean who told me? Dr. Raditch. He told me when he told me about your injuries. But my question is- Jamie, why didn't you tell me?"  
"Landon...come here."  
  
Jamie patted the space on the bed next to her and I sat down, taking her hand in mine and looking at her, waiting for my answer.  
  
"Landon... there is a reason I didn't tell you. And I'm really sorry I didn't. I should have and it was wrong of me not to. Can you forgive me?"  
"Of course I can, baby. But you're still not answering my question."  
"Right. Why didn't I tell you? Landon...I didn't tell you because I wasn't sure how you'd react, and what you'd want to do."  
"Jamie, what do you mean?"  
"I mean...Landon; the truth is that these babies are going to have a big effect on me, on my body...on my life. And I wasn't sure you'd want them."  
"Not want them? Jamie...I want them more than I want anything in the world."  
"Even more...even more than you want me?"  
  
I looked down at my wife and saw the tears glistening in her eyes, and I tried my hardest not to burst in to tears as well. I knew what she meant- she wasn't trying to be mean or sarcastic or trying to give me an ultimatum. She was stating fact- a fact that was as heartbreaking as any other fact. Jamie having these babies meant that, chances are, Jamie would die even faster than she already was. Having these babies- these miracle babies- would take My Angel away from me much more quickly. And so Jamie was trying to offer me a choice- a quick, easy, guilt free choice- her or the twins. My Angel or My Miracles? 


	11. My Decision

The minute I got home I went straight to work. I had been able to convince Jamie to stay in the hospital for a few more days, and in that time I wanted to be sure that everything was perfect. At least as perfect as it could be.  
  
So the first thing I did was call Hegbert, Dean, and even Belinda. I called anyone and everyone I could think of. The second thing I did was take out a loan on the bank, as much as I could afford. After that, and after everyone told me that they'd be happy to help for free, I set to work on the house. I was determined to have the house looking like a palace for Jamie and the twins.  
  
"Oh Landon..."  
  
It was hard to contain my smile as I saw Jamie look wide-eyed at the house that was no longer the house she knew. I had everyone help me with everything and I was so grateful. My mom and a few of the woman from the church had worked out front and now had an incredible garden filled with all of Jamie's flowers: roses, tulips, baby's breath, daisies and bluebells. Eric had installed a porch swing as well as two smaller swings for the babies- when they came. And out back- out back Eric and I had worked a small miracle. Out in back we had built a gazebo on the little bit of land before it all turned in to beach. We had installed a play set and a tire swing from the one tree we had in our back yard. And, one of my favorite touches...we had built a stone walkway from our back door to the gazebo, made with stepping stones made by each person who helped with the house and each one of her friends. It was very, very cool. Dean's was filled with little sports figures and cowboy hat...Eric's was just a random assortment of little things he had collected over the years. Belinda's was filled with semi-precious stones and Hegbert's was covered in crosses. And mine...mine was filled of things the reminded me of Jamie and I- sunsets, clouds, tears, and small toy babies.  
  
Inside was where Belinda had done her thing. Upstairs in the empty room, the room that had been decorated for babies already, Belinda worked her magic. The room that was once bright red and yellow was now a soft blue color. Belinda had gone with a Noah's Ark theme, and had picked a truly adorable wall boarder to go with it. Not to mention that she had gotten her dad, who runs a small furniture store, to sell us two changing tables, two cribs, and two rocking chairs for a really low price. It was all ready to go, all ready for babies.  
  
Jamie was so happy...and it made my heart feel so good. And when, after taking a tour of the outside and gushing over every tiny detail, I was finally able to show her the new room. The minute she stepped in, and saw all of the new furniture, the new paint job, and all of her old toys that her dad had given me to put in the room, she started to cry. All she could do was look at me, smiling.  
  
"I made my decision."  
  
And I had. I had made my decision. 


End file.
